Caring for someone with MS

Today we have a beautiful guest post by the amazing Becca. Dizzy and I have wanted to do some posts on caring for someone with MS for a while, but we have always been a little wary too, as we don’t have the experience of caring for anyone with the condition.

I am now so glad we did wait, as we could never have done such a wonderful post as Becca has done here. 🙂 

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Growing up I wanted to be 2 things when I got older. 1. I wanted to be a photographer. 2. I wanted to work in the psychology field. I thought about working in the Crisis Intervention or Substance Abuse areas. I did everything I was supposed to. I didn’t hang out with the wrong crowds, I didn’t get in trouble with the law, and I went to college. I went on to earn 2 degrees, a BA in Human Services and a MA in Psychology. I planned on a getting a good job, and maybe even buying that house I told my mom I was going to buy her when I was a little girl. I thought I had it all figured out. 

But life throws you curveballs. Finding a job in my field, with no experience in really difficult. Nobody would train me or give a shot to learn. So I ended up working in the restaurant business. I still work in that field today. It’s not what I wanted to, but I’ve excelled at. I’ve become a crew trainer, and most recently became a  manager. 

I believe in fate. I believe that things happen for a reason. I believe everyone has a purpose in life.

My purpose in life is to be my mom’s caregiver. 

My mom is my best friend. She has been since the day I was born. Not only is she my best friend, but she’s my partner in crime and biggest inspiration. Have you ever loved someone so much that your heart hurts? That’s how I feel about my mom. 

She was officially diagnosed with MS in 1999. In 2009, the day after Christmas, she fell, hit her head, and had a concussion. From then on, her disability progression started on a downward slope. On top of her MS, she has 2 other autoimmune disorders (ITP and Hashimoto’s) and has beaten cancer 3 times. She now has SPMS, has mild cognitive impairment, and uses a walker daily. 

Remember when I said I had a purpose? 

I truly believe that I was put on this earth to be her caregiver. I believe it was my purpose in life. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I’m not in the psychology field. I thought I was going to take a right and get off Exit 1, but really all along, I was supposed to take a left and get off Exit 2. I’m right where I need to be, with her. 

I know it’s hard on her to give up some independence and have to rely on someone else. She’s the most stubborn and pigheaded person I know. But, helping her gives a great sense of pride. I love that I’m able to assist her when she needs me. I love that she can count on me, no matter when, where, or what. 

Caregiving isn’t always easy. It can be challenging, exhausting, and for some people a thankless role. For me, I take charge of all our household duties, yard work, cooking, cleaning, grocery shop, help filling out paperwork, and accompany her to doctor appointments. I keep a calendar of appointments, I ask questions and take notes at doctor appointments, and I advocate for her when she is unable. Remember when I said she is the most stubborn and pigheaded person I know? She likes to sneak in laundry and clean the dishes when I’m at work. I’ll check in on her throughout the day seeing how she is and ask what she’s been up to. She likes to tell me “nothing, just watching TV or napping”. Then I come home and she what she’s really been up to, mischievous. I get it though. She doesn’t want all her independence to be taken away. She wants a sense of purpose. She wants to feel like she’s useful and not a burden. She’ll never be a burden in my eyes, but I understand where she’s coming from and will always respect her feelings. So if she’s having a good day and wants to wash some clothes or do the dishes, who am I to stop her?

One our favorite things to do is to participate in the MS Society’s walks. We usually partake in at least 2 walks a year. We look forward to it every year. It’s a time where we can engage with this wonderful community. It’s a time where I can engage with other caregivers. These walks are filled with love, support, laughs, and inspiration. 

To all the caregivers out there, I truly thank you. I applaud you, I respect you, and I think the world of you. Keep shining. Keep making a positive impact on someone else’s life. You may not realize it now, but you’re impacting someones life. 

20 years ago I thought I would be on a different path. In reality, this is the only path I was meant to be on. It’s an honor and privilege to be a caregiver, to the most beautiful woman I know, my mom.